The silly season is upon us and nothing comes sillier than the scientific community’s persistent attempts to unravel the mysteries of music. Recent tomfooleries include the Massachusetts professor who spent two years painstakingly freezing trumpets to see if it would make them sound better before announcing – doubtless to a chilling fanfare – that it didn’t. Then along came the Institute of Neurosciences, California with a mighty investigation into why it was that music from different countries sounded, er, different.
This summer’s raft of daft surveys has already included a ‘behavioural scientist’ from the University Bretagne – Sud in France who’s been spending lots of time hanging around bars in an effort to prove that people drink faster when the volume of piped music is turned up (by and large they do, but I reckon that’s because they can’t wait to get away from the noise). Not to be outdone, Sussex University has been testing volunteers to see if they could spot the difference between a piano sonata being played by a computer or by a pianist and concluded: “The brain responses showed that when a pianist plays a piece with emotional expression, the piece is actually perceived as meaningful by listeners.” You couldn’t make it up.
But best of all – from my perspective – are findings emanating from the University of Central Lancashire suggesting that musical ability is an advertisement for male health and fertility: “High testosterone exposure during gestation promotes development of the right side of the brain where musical ability resides and high foetal testosterone levels produces men who are healthier, more athletic and have a higher sperm count. In other words men who make lots of music make lots of sperm”. Surely here’s a case when even the scientists will have to admit they are talking balls?
With energy prices running at record highs there can’t be too many people brimming over with goodwill towards British Gas. Yet that’s exactly what you will find at the Royal College of Music where its thriving ‘Education and Outreach Programme’ is receiving generous sponsorship from the currently much-maligned conglomerate.
RCM Sparks ( HYPERLINK “http://www.rcm.ac.uk/sparks” www.rcm.ac.uk/sparks) is tailor-made to give College pupils an early taste of life beyond its princely portals. Participating students are introducing music to children as young as three while others are working with the elderly and their carers. A host of community based projects include Summer Music : a week of musical activities for children aged six to fifteen and adults of any age, The Music Project : a three day composition course over three weekends involving sixty pupils from ten to thirteen and Brent Primary Enrichment Project whereby College students work with Key Stage 2 pupils at three schools in Brent. British Gas’ welcome financial backing for RCM Sparks is something it can feel justly proud of in these troubled times.
As if to prove musicians can be just as silly as scientists, the. Saskatoon Symphony Orchestra’s year-long feud with its embattled Music Director, Douglas Sanford, has ended in A Major discord. The conductor and his orchestra have finally parted company following Sanford’s legal wrangle with six of his own musicians. Last August Sanford sued the “Saskatoon Six” for defamation citing a steward’s report which accused him of “physical and psychological abuse, unwanted physical contact with players, working under the influence of alcohol and intentionally sabotaging performances.” Worst of all the report went on to accuse the hapless maestro of “changing tempo in a musically indefensible manner.”
Perhaps it was the “Saskatoon Six” who invented the well known orchestral players joke: “What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra?” “The bull has its horns in the front and its arsehole in the back.”
